The news hure me seriously.
Then I realized I had several important things to do in the afternoon & evening, and I couldn’t let the feeling dominant the upcoming, so I cried just a little – to remind myself that it did hurt.
Then I numbed it for a while. Get all the jobs done.
Now, here I am. Reading the email again, recalling the feelings & listening to my ‘Downtime’ playlist.
How am I feeling?
“Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet ass I was hurt. Who doesn’t feel a part of their heart break at rejection. You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger.” – Jennifer Salaiz
I found that quote on Goodread when googling ‘getting hurt’ & ‘loosing trust’ . The moment it reached me, I bet that the news did a good shake inside. I was feeling like crying, and I now I believe it was the tears of anger.
You put efforts and arranged your schedule in advance, and you talk to them all of your plan to search for advice. They even encouraged. Then they rejected it. You got hurt too bad. If only they didn’t show any encouragement, if only they show clearly their un-sure state, I bet you will not be that hurt or angry.
I bet you lost trust. Who you are to them? Are they taking you as something they can treat and switch you on/off despite knowing that it did hurt you.
Why they make that decision when they knew clearly that you have been hurt the same before and you had to struggle a lot.
**You are crying, I see it /:)**
They say people cannot get along well. They said they care about your relationship with others.
Well, you are asking yourself ‘well, if the relationship is that bad, so why the result still comes?’ And you cannot explain so far. You feel it so unreasonable
They said as if relationship is a duty to create, whether you get your jobs done or not. They said as if you have never put effort to ignore your hatred & try to think for the big picture.They said as if you were the bad-ass, messing up everything.
You feel like fucked. So what the fuck I am doing, to swallow my in-comfort & work with others? You start asking question whether this is the place – to grow as yourself or to fake?
Staying means some certain changes needed.
**Your trust in this group of people shook **
Your ego hurts, of course. But it just takes time for calming down.
Your trust hurts. This is the serious part that you cannot regain in short time.
The only way is to figure out the bigger motivation which makes you okay and change if getting more hurts, if you stay’
At least, you calmed and got jobs done this afternoon. It’s good to be honest with self. And you are not responding or confirming any when you are emotional.
You know that you need to think calm & deep.
You know that you should not take any decision just to prove or revenge.
You will make a decision, that you are willing to accept more hurt from it with clear why in mind
On the day of getting hurt & loosing trust, again.